The Holiday Spirit, Lightly Warped

Filmmaker John Waters is not exactly the kind of guy one pictures curled up next to stockings hung by a fireplace, singing Yuletide carols. Were we to imagine him filled with the Noel spirit, it would more likely be that of Noël Coward than the glad tidings of the holiday. Don't worry: The director of Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble hasn't gone all soft and squishy on the subject; there's still plenty of "bah, humbug" left in the gent. Yet on the occasion of Waters' appearance in Austin this Saturday to present his one-man show, A John Waters Christmas, at the Paramount, we talked with him by phone to find out what the holidays are truly like in the Waters household.

"Christmas to me is a tradition that I both embrace and subvert, and I certainly talk about that heavily in A John Waters Christmas," he says. "The show has really developed over time, so I'm thinking about Christmas all year. Christmas is a time-consuming compulsion where I feel greedy, needy, and horny for gifts and filled with an unhealthy need to please. I buy presents for millions of people. I get presents. I'm a participator in the entire thing.

"I understand why people hate it," he continues, "and I understand why people love it. What I don't understand is the people who think they can ignore it – because they cannot, no matter what religion. Jewish people can't ignore it. Muslims can't ignore it. Nobody can ignore it. Agnostics, atheists can't ignore it because they're offended. I'm for the separation of state and church, for real, but I do find it amazing. Even if I don't believe in it, I find it amazing to watch. It is a great time to be a voyeur – or a criminal – at Christmas."

And when he's not observing our culture's celebration of the season, how does John Waters personally mark the holiday? "We have a custom in our family," he tells me. "I look for my parents' scrapbook. There's a picture of us every year in front of a fireplace with a stocking. I think that's great. And you can tell when I have long hair, when I'm on LSD and stuff. It's kind of a tradition I enjoy looking back on. And I'm glad that my parents took the picture. A lot of people my age don't have pictures of when they looked weird because their parents hated how they looked so much that they never took their picture."

How many of these observations make it into his Christmas show? "Oh, a lot. I just finished writing it about two days ago," he replies. "I talk about everything. I talk about presents. I talk about what I want for Christmas: my own magazine. I talk about my own amusement park that I want. Is Christmas sexy? Can you be sexually attracted to Santa Claus? And my hatred for the Easter Bunny, which I really find offensive and rank at the bottom of all children's fantasy figures. I talk about 101 things I love and hate about Christmas. I talk about all my films and what I'd do to remake them as Christmas movies. There's no detail left unturned."

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A John Waters Christmas takes place Saturday, Dec. 12, at the Paramount Theatre. For ticket info, visit www.austintheatre.org.