TV Eye

First there was denial, then anger. Then came the bargaining, depression, and finally accep-tance. Yes, dear reader, I'm talking about the five stages of coming to terms with reality TV.

In the beginning, I denied that reality TV was a viable product. But as reality fare began to double and then triple in number, I became angry. What a waste of the airwaves. That, and I hate being proven wrong. Then, I started watching the shows. I do, after all, watch TV for a living. Before I knew it, I'd stumbled into the bargaining stage as I realized there were some reality shows I actually liked. The bargain was that for watching the dregs of reality shows, I was allowed the reward of watching a "good" reality show – which is not really a sign of quality as much as it is a sign that that show's particular formula sucked me in. For example, I couldn't make it past the first two episodes of The Mole (ABC). If I'm going to watch a group of fading celebrities act the fool, I'd much rather tune into The Surreal Life (WB). You probably have the good sense not to watch this show, but I don't. There's something about watching D-listers who know what being burned by the limelight is step up for 12 days of humiliation in hopes of redirecting some of the limelight back onto their spray-tanned hides that intrigues me. This year's cast includes televangelist Tammy Faye Messner, porn star Ron Jeremy, former CHiPs star Erik Estrada, Rob Van Winkle (aka Vanilla Ice), booze hound Trishelle Canatella (The Real World: Las Vegas), and Baywatch babe Traci Bingham. Not only do these folks hope lightning will strike twice, they go chasing it waving wire coat hangers in the air. It's a sight to behold.

Acknowledging my appetite for The Surreal Life brought me to the fourth stage of accepting that I watch reality TV: depression. I've had many conversations about what kind of attention-starved fools would submit themselves to the fishbowl of reality TV. But when I thought about it, thought about who I was at twentysomething, the average age of reality TV cast members, I came to a sobering realization. I would have jumped at the chance to be on The Real World. I would have slept in the mud to sing for American Idol's Simon, and I may have even tried out for Survivor. Today, I couldn't live without running water, AC, and a change of clothes. If I'd been cast, I would have been one of those annoying contestants ("I didn't think it was going to be this hard") who complain about the heat, the bugs, the hunger, the cold, and the sand in my crotch. I would have been the first person voted off the island.

Which brings me to my other reality TV obsession, The Apprentice (NBC). In this, two teams of type-A's compete for a chance to work for Donald Trump. The winning team moves forward and avoids getting voted off the island (Manhattan), while the losers meet in a boardroom where Trump grills them about their shortcomings and then appears to take great pleasure in firing the weakest of the herd. My obsession? Why does a man who has money to burn and a busy schedule want to appear in a reality show? Why can't he get some decent hair? Why does his penthouse look like a Bollywood set? Trump seems to relish playing himself as if it's the role of a lifetime, and that in itself makes the show.

When I realized how deeply I was invested in The Apprentice, I arrived at acceptance. I understand the personality that would submit to starring in reality fare (perhaps Donald Trump and I have more in common than I thought). I accept that I watch reality shows and have decided to stop beating the dead horse on the subject. I still think there are better ways to use the airwaves, but I've decided not to sneer when viewers admit to loving The Mole, My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Fiancé, or The Simple Life, as long as you allow me my guilty pleasures. If one person's trash is another's treasure, there's plenty to go around.

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Other Stuff to Watch

The 10th annual Screen Actors Guild Awards airs Sunday at 7pm on TNT. Actor Karl Malden is this year's Life Achievement Award recipient.

The series finale of Sex and the City airs at 8pm on HBO, following the two-part Sex and the City: A Farewell at 7pm. The series finale of Soul Food airs on Showtime Wednesday. Regis Philbin returns to prime time hosting Super Millionaire all week on ABC. As always, check your local listings.