The Hightower Report

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Outfitting Cops

Is there any public space too sacrosanct for, say, a Hooter's ad?

In the past few years, there has been a rush by corporations to plaster their ads on any and every square foot of public property. From New York City's sidewalks to the very sands of our public beaches, from the grounds of our national parks to the exhibits of the Smithsonian Institution -- the likes of Microsoft, GE, Nike, and so many others have arrogantly attached their names and garish logos as though they own these places.

The latest to succumb to the corporate ad blitz are police departments. In a devil's bargain, a company called Government Acquisitions offered to give police cars to any department willing to let the company slap ads on the hoods, trunks, and sides of cars, as though the vehicles were in some NASCAR race.

But this is not NASCAR. It's the serious, sometimes-deadly, and totally noncommercial function of police work. These officers have a tough job, and showing up at a crime scene with lights flashing, siren screeching, and guns at the ready is not enhanced if their car is covered in ads for, say, a laxative, a HMO, or a lingerie chain, a gun manufacturer, a bail bondsman ... or anything. They deserve more respect than that.

But advertisers are thrilled at the prospect. As a marketer of burglar-alarm systems gloats: "We'll be able to attach our name to local authorities, which gives us near instant credibility." Yes, while it undermines the credibility of the cops, who are forced to drive around in rolling billboards.

Yet, one Florida police chief who isn't wild about the idea shrugs his shoulders and accepts the deal: "Sometimes you have to set aside your preferences for the principle," he says. But, of course, it's not a principle ... it's corporate cash.

Why not go all out? Like NASCAR drivers, cops could wear uniforms covered in ads -- and, then, some Disney Mickey Mouse ears would top off the whole look just perfectly.

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Bob Dole's Latest Embarrassment

How useful is it to have Bob Dole scolding us? Do we need this?

Need it or not, there he is on radio and TV as spokesman for the recently launched National Retirement Planning Coalition. Dole -- a former Republican senator, a losing presidential candidate, and now a corporate pitchman for everything from Pepsi to Viagra -- is scolding us Americans for our failure to save enough money for retirement. "Our message is that you have to take more responsibility on yourself," grumped Bob.

How nice. Here's a guy who spent his entire professional life on the congressional payroll and who now enjoys a fat retirement check, plus Cadillac health care coverage, courtesy of the taxpayers -- and he's telling us to take personal responsibility for our retirement?

Maybe Bob thinks we don't remember him in his congressional days. He backed the kind of lobbyist-written legislation that loosened the rules so that the Enrons and the WorldComs could loot the pensions of their employees. He favored the policies that shifted American workers into low-wage jobs with no health care, no job security, and no pensions -- creating an economy in which millions of Americans have to work two or three jobs just to make ends meet, much less set anything aside for the "golden years."

And, please, Bob, don't sit there wagging your tongue about how our Social Security benefits won't be enough to sustain us in old age, since you and your party have long been proponents of cutting those benefits, raising our retirement age to 70, and turning our Social Security trust funds over to the finaglers of Wall Street.

Indeed, who exactly is Dole fronting for? It turns out that the coalition pushing this "retirement readiness" campaign is made up of corporations that profit from managing retirement accounts.

If ol' Bob really wants to help people save, he could start lobbying Bush and the Congress for policies that bring good jobs, good wages, good health care, and good pensions back to America. Otherwise, shut up, Bob.