Deep Six

The Best and Worst
in Austin and National Media

1) Network promos disguised as news, Part 1. On November 16, KXAN's 10pm newscast "investigated" the veracity of the popular NBC series ER, a program that just happens to air on the very same station only one hour earlier. Said the tease for this ridiculous report, "Local doctors and nurses answer the question, `Is what you see on ER the real thing?'" Here's a better one, "Local viewers answer the question, `Is what you see on our local TV news of any value whatsoever?'"

2) Network promos disguised as news, Part 2. On November 12, K-EYE devoted almost two minutes of its 5:30pm newscast to a network-produced spot for "Streets of Laredo," the Lonesome Dove-based mini-series beginning an hour and a half later on the same station. Viewers learned that the coming program "wasn't just a story about cowboys chasing outlaws." Really? It just proves how desperate CBS and their affiliates have become in trying to sway a significant viewing audience.

3) Network promos disguised as news, Part 3. The "return" of the Fab Four is a neat story. Maybe that is why KVUE's 10pm newscast on November 19 included a special "Who's Your Favorite Beatle?" report, plus a segment on how the group has influenced local musicians. Sure, this stuff is fun to watch, but it hardly classifies as news. In fact, it looks a lot like one long advertisement for ABC.

4) Daily double. Sports bettors literally got their pick of the action in the Statesman's "Latest Line" feature for Thursday, November 16. First, the Dolphins were listed as a 11/2 point favorite over the 49ers in a Sunday match-up at Candlestick Park. Just one line down, San Francisco was listed as a 1 1/2 point favorite in the Monday Night Game at Joe Robbie Stadium. Make up your mind.

5) Creating the right image. One of the year's more amusing media pranks was pulled off by the folks who publish a small `zine called Cusper Confessional. Hoping to identify the city's biggest egos, Cusper mailed several local celebrities a letter from a bogus marketing firm hired to promote an equally bogus Franklin Farms All Natural Pigs-in-a-Blanket. The letter acknowledged the recipient's community status and asked if he or she might be interested in becoming a spokesperson for the new weenie. Biting hardest was KLBJ-AM's Ed Sossen, who said he'd need at least $200 a month and a year-long contract to endorse the product. Sossen also apparently requested a few of the pork delicacies in advance. K-EYE's Neal Spelce (employed by KTBC at the time of the sting), also responded; his secretary even made inquiries such as: "You mean you don't want Neal to dress up like a big pig with a blanket wrapped around him or anything, right?" For a copy of the full article about this prank, send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Cusper Confessional at Box 19300 #238, Austin, 78760-9300.

6) Don't show us your nylons. On November 10, K-EYE broadcast a special "extra" report on their 10pm newscast analyzing the durability of various brands of panty hose. In this journalistic gem, viewers got to watch 12 "working women and mothers running around in ways their children would be shocked to witness" as they investigated the best brand. Later, a special panty hose graph showed the winners in two categories: comfort and durability. Now, that's news. -Hugh Forrest