Thursday Night Music Awards

THURSDAY NIGHT MUSIC AWARDS

South by Southwest is too big for one live review to do it justice, and the Austin Music Awards are too early to cover the best of SXSW. Hence SXSW 2000's Thursday Night Music Awards:

Best Rumor: Last week, otherwise intelligent locals spent a lot of time asking for the name the Beastie Boys play SXSW under each year. Since the Beasties actually don't, try looking under "Urban Myth." This week's rumor du jour was that Neil Young would fill the "Surprise Special Guest" slot at Stubb's. The actual performer? Whiskeytown's Ryan Adams, a disappointment only if you were expecting Young.

Best T-shirt (tie): Johnny Goudie's "My lawyer can kick your lawyer's ass" and Dynamite Hack's fresh-from-the-printer "Novelty Band" shirts -- a direct, and awfully quick, acknowledgment of Ken Lieck's Wednesday night "SXSW News" jab.

Best Politically Incorrect Password to a Private Party: Stubb's Charles Attal apparently had more interest than actual printed invitations for his after-hours party with the Mekons and Supagroup at Millennium Events, so he played off his Lebanese roots with a secret password: "A-rab," with the indisputably Southern accent on the long A.

Best Party for All the Wrong People: The Wood/Jayhawks/Roger McGuinn show at Stubb's was apparently intended for retail registrants only. Instead, it was wall-to-wall rock critics -- most of whom found a way to crash the party by cutting through the restaurant.

Best Way to Cut Through Stubb's to Crash a Private Party: Enter through the main restaurant, head straight back to the door that leads to the deck, follow the deck steps down to the patio/party. Look like you belong.

Best Attempt to Find Shelter From the Rain: During the 10pm downpour, London's Epic ran toward KLBJ-FM's live broadcast RV and told deejay Louris Lowe they had an interview scheduled. Lowe, who actually schedules the station's interviews, called bullshit, but took pity on them and let them on-air anyway. Her assessment: "It winds up they have a pretty good single and they do a mean Spinal Tap impression."

Best Bag Swag: SPIN's 15th Anniversary Lighter/Bottle Opener. It's a good guess a Radisson guest used his SPIN 15th anniversary lighter/bottle opener to set off the smoke alarm at 11:22pm Thursday. After ignoring repeated alarms, Chronicle staffers, using the hotel as their downtown, deadline-beating "war room," evacuated, followed closely by Scottish act the High Fidelity - who had a 1am gig scheduled, yet ran from the hotel without their instruments. Four fire trucks, two ambulances, and a hazardous-materials van later, the band's Sean Dixon admitted he was slow to evacuate because he and his bandmates set up samplers to capture the evacuation notice. "The voice was great," he said. Dixon made it to the gig on time. At press time, the only victims were the writers' -- and their editor's -- overextended nerves.