Beating the Heat Mythology

Ask anyone how to beat the fiery heat that's left over from a mouthful of incendiary chiles and you're certain to get a surefire remedy. The only problem is that you never get the same answer twice, and the remedies seldom work. Here, the Chronicle presents three of the most common reputed cures, with the caveat that time is the only reliable solution. All other methods should be attempted with caution.

The most popular -- and probably the most effective -- way of reducing the heat is consuming dairy products, the colder the better. Yogurt, ice-cold milk, and ice cream are considered to be the best for condensing the capsaicin molecules so that they can be washed down the hatch, then coating and soothing the delicate mouth.

illustration by Lisa Kirkpatrick

Others insist that bread, rice, and similar starchy foods offer the best method of relief. They claim that somehow the starchy stuff absorbs the capsaicin and helps transport it down the gullet. Then the starches soothe the disturbed taste buds.

Another accepted cure, for obvious reasons, is drinking mass quantities of icy beer. This method, aside from getting all of the teetotalers atwitter, is rather effective. If the quantities of beer are substantial enough, you really don't care how your mouth feels. One minor downside is that ingesting beer increases the absorption rate of capsaicin in the body, meaning following bites of chiles will taste even hotter.

As we know, with any battle between the brain and the body, our corporeal part doesn't stand a chance. The brain craves those capsaicin-induced endorphins, so the mouth and the taste buds must suffer in silence. Conduct your own experiment with the above remedies. Try all three, but remember that ice cream tastes terrible after beer, so drink the beer last. --M.V.