Please, Clean Up After Your Dog

Dear Editor,
    Hey guys, come on. Please. Please stop ignoring it when your dog takes a humongous dump on the hike-and-bike trail; that crap is really annoying, and it's ticking me off. If you're going to have a pet, you have to take responsibility for its poop. I don't have a pet because, among other reasons, dog crap makes me kack. I don't like seeing it, smelling it, stepping in it, or picking it up! If I have to be assaulted by the visual of your dog squatting and preparing for that dump, the least that your lazy ass should do is pick that crap up. Come on! The whole situation is offensive.
    This letter is especially to that couple that was on Town Lake last Sunday afternoon. Hey! Your fake display of embarrassment is not fooling anybody, “Oh my, I'm walking my huge dog on Town Lake, and now he's decided to take a dump! I never expected this!” Bullshit. Stop it. You're ridiculous.
    We're out here, people. We are the petless (and childless). We sacrifice so that you can continue to overconsume and overproduce. We support your pet causes but eye you incredulously. We jog by in silence as you feign surprise when your pet dumps on Town Lake. We're silent, but we're here.
    For those of you pet lovers ruining Town Lake and Austin at large, redeem yourselves by going out right now and scooping some poop. Become a decent citizen of Austin.