AFS Cinema
Looking Like a Douche
RECEIVED Tue., Sept. 12, 2006
Dear Editor,
Just about anyone in Austin who reads the Chronicle already knows what I'm about to lay on you here – Darcie Stevens is a self-righteous know-it-all with shite taste in music who seems to have her head fairly firmly planted in her posterior. However, it has seldom been as blatantly obvious as the fawning fan-girl pablum she posited regarding Spoon in your 25th anniversary issue ["An Austin Chronicle," Sept. 8]. First of all, Dame Darcie hasn't lived in my fair city long enough to presume to tell me what is or is not a requirement for Austin residency. I'm sorry, but four years doesn't qualify you for jack aside from a "Keep Austin Weird" bumper sticker (which really just makes you look like a douche if you weren't here when Austin really was weird). Secondly, a good portion of Austin musicians and music fans would take offense at the mere idea that someone who looks like Beaker from The Muppet Show and sounds like the act of defecation given moderate pronunciation skills should be crowned as their "mouthpiece."
So yeah, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm sick and tired of my friends in Dallas having a good laugh at Austin's expense because they pawned off Darcie Stevens on us. Just because she can string a sentence together doesn't mean she should be given a public forum to do so. So with that in mind, I'm pitching in $10 for a "Send Darcie Home" fund. Really, I don't care if we send her home, just as long as we send her away from here. Any matching contributions would be greatly appreciated.
No matter how hard you try to shove them down our throats, Spoon is still not freakin' cool.
Just about anyone in Austin who reads the Chronicle already knows what I'm about to lay on you here – Darcie Stevens is a self-righteous know-it-all with shite taste in music who seems to have her head fairly firmly planted in her posterior. However, it has seldom been as blatantly obvious as the fawning fan-girl pablum she posited regarding Spoon in your 25th anniversary issue ["An Austin Chronicle," Sept. 8]. First of all, Dame Darcie hasn't lived in my fair city long enough to presume to tell me what is or is not a requirement for Austin residency. I'm sorry, but four years doesn't qualify you for jack aside from a "Keep Austin Weird" bumper sticker (which really just makes you look like a douche if you weren't here when Austin really was weird). Secondly, a good portion of Austin musicians and music fans would take offense at the mere idea that someone who looks like Beaker from The Muppet Show and sounds like the act of defecation given moderate pronunciation skills should be crowned as their "mouthpiece."
So yeah, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm sick and tired of my friends in Dallas having a good laugh at Austin's expense because they pawned off Darcie Stevens on us. Just because she can string a sentence together doesn't mean she should be given a public forum to do so. So with that in mind, I'm pitching in $10 for a "Send Darcie Home" fund. Really, I don't care if we send her home, just as long as we send her away from here. Any matching contributions would be greatly appreciated.
No matter how hard you try to shove them down our throats, Spoon is still not freakin' cool.
Semper sarcastic and spiteful,
Jon Cohorn
Jon Cohorn
[Editor's note: Darcie Stevens celebrated a decade in Austin last June. She's from Conroe, Texas. Any donations in her name should be made to the SIMS Foundation: www.simsfoundation.org.]
