Volstead Lounge
The Trough of Truth
RECEIVED Mon., Nov. 8, 2004
Dear Editor,
So, it seems that this past presidential election really brought out the need for people to express their vote in the form of "moral values." And since the Republican Party is the clear winner, in not only votes but obviously moral integrity and righteousness, let us revel in the basking glow of Alan Keyes. Not only did he not call, with courteous congratulations, Barak Obama after having his ass handed to him, but he publicly blamed everyone else, including the RNC, for his miserable defeat.
So let's recap: Republican Jack Ryan has sex allegations brought against him, so he drops out of a senate race (see rampant sexual transgression of Republican Party members that never gets publicized). The RNC puts up an African-American, Alan Keyes, to replace him (see any other African-American for a real definition of an African-American). Alan Keyes quickly moves to Illinois to gain residency (see attacks on Hillary Clinton), runs on religious fanaticism (see attacks on everybody less holy than he), and loses in a landslide (see previous attacks). Alan Keyes believes the opposition stands "for a culture evil enough to destroy the very soul and heart of my country" and that Obama's views are "wicked."
If only the trough of truth wasn't deemed an unacceptable form of moral cleansing, then perhaps Alan Keyes and the moral values of the Republican Party could have won in Illinois and taken the White House by a few more percentage points.
So, it seems that this past presidential election really brought out the need for people to express their vote in the form of "moral values." And since the Republican Party is the clear winner, in not only votes but obviously moral integrity and righteousness, let us revel in the basking glow of Alan Keyes. Not only did he not call, with courteous congratulations, Barak Obama after having his ass handed to him, but he publicly blamed everyone else, including the RNC, for his miserable defeat.
So let's recap: Republican Jack Ryan has sex allegations brought against him, so he drops out of a senate race (see rampant sexual transgression of Republican Party members that never gets publicized). The RNC puts up an African-American, Alan Keyes, to replace him (see any other African-American for a real definition of an African-American). Alan Keyes quickly moves to Illinois to gain residency (see attacks on Hillary Clinton), runs on religious fanaticism (see attacks on everybody less holy than he), and loses in a landslide (see previous attacks). Alan Keyes believes the opposition stands "for a culture evil enough to destroy the very soul and heart of my country" and that Obama's views are "wicked."
If only the trough of truth wasn't deemed an unacceptable form of moral cleansing, then perhaps Alan Keyes and the moral values of the Republican Party could have won in Illinois and taken the White House by a few more percentage points.
Chris Staefe
