The Stupids

Dear Scum Pig of an Ex-Husband://¶//I swore that I would never communicate with you in any fashion after I divorced your free-loading ass, but after seeing The Stupids, I can't resist writing this letter to tell you how godawful you and your movie are. Even The Jackie Thomas Show was better than this crap about a family of morons who misinterpret everything because they don't have a single brain between the four of them. The story sucks big time; cartoon alien spaceships one minute, international arms-smuggling the next. I mean, The Stupids is too generous a title for this movie -- how about Incredibly Simpleminded Imbeciles Who Make Me Want to Vomit? I must admit, after the critical attention you got after appearing in True Lies, I was afraid that all that stuff I once said -- during that time you had me brainwashed -- about how talented you were might actually be true. But with Carpool and now The Stupids, it's clear to me that your talent is as big as your you-know-what, which we both know ain't too big. I think that movies like The Stupids are the bad karma you have to suffer through after all of those horrible things you made me do while we were married, like giving you a part on my TV show and forcing me to tattoo your name on my butt. (By the way, I changed it to “Tomato,” seeing how that's my favorite vegetable.) Anyway, back to the movie -- how did someone like John Landis, who was a big deal in Hollywood in the Eighties, come to direct this dreck? No doubt you forced him to do it, much like you forced me to tell everyone who would listen how much we were in love and all of that crap. Now that I am free of your abusive influences, I can say -- without fear -- that your 15 minutes are up, buddy. And when you come crawling back to me begging for a job, maybe I'll give you one -- scrubbing the toilet in my trailer! Hope all your movies bomb like The Stupids.//¶//I Spit in Your Eye,//¶//Roseanne