'Life, the Universe, and Everything' Bowl

When you lead the Longhorns to the National College Championship, there’s bound to be some stage of hero worship in the Austin area. It was all dreamy, wasn’t it? Watching the Longhorns slice and dice USC for the grandest prize of prizes. But, this drivel with CBS 42 opting for Tennessee Titans games over the Houston Texans only so the Longhorn faithful can see their divine Vince Young continue his pigskin party is ridiculous. Or is it? Let’s go inside the two franchises to see what all the fuss is about.

Tennessee
The team formerly know as the Oilers might have the best coaching staff in all of football, headed by longtime head coach Jeff Fisher (.530 winning percentage, can you name six players who have thrown down for him), features a dominating special-teams unit which harassed the unflappable Adam Matthew Vinatieri all last Sunday. The no-name defense can thump and is wicked aggressive. As for Fisher’s offense, Vince Young is simply the most exciting player in the NFL, often appearing to be a man among lads. I was getting dizzy at the end of the Colts game, probably because I held my breath for the last 2:27. More, this team is fearless and has no need to spy on the opposition to piece together four quarters of competitive football. I doubt you can find one member of the Indianapolis Colts who doesn’t respect this squad after the near death scare they put into the Super Bowl studs.

Houston
The offense is almost as good as Cleveland’s. For this past Sunday, that is saying something. I can’t believe we couldn’t see the crushing of David Carr’s new team. Have you seen the highlights? Of course you have, it’s the only way for Austin folk to see Texans games.

I propose this to CBS 42: Let’s have the Life, The Universe, and Everything Bowl (it’s a Douglas Adams joke) with the winner between Tennessee at Houston broadcasted here in Austin for the rest of the season. We shall make an event of it all, make it a holy holiday and shut down all the HEB’s and Chick-fil-A’s. We can erect a giant viewing screen in Zilker Park and have a “happening” with dancing and balloons and live music, just like Eeyore’s birthday. Imagine the football, the fun, and the ratings. I don’t blame CBS 42 for showing Titans game. But I do blame them for not showing us our Texans.

By the way, next week Tennessee is on Monday Night Football. Can we please have the Indianapolis at Houston game on Sunday? The winner of that game will be sitting all alone at the head of the AFC South table. This will be the most important game Houston has played since Warren Moon was under center. [Editor's note: KEYE will be showing the Texans/Colts game this Sunday. Tune in.]

Five Easy Pieces (a quintet of other football matters on my mind)
“I don't know about you, but I for one, I for one, hit my knees every night and thank the man upstairs that there is a little bit of dishonesty left in this otherwise sunny world. You just think about that.” Bruce Willis as David Addison in Moonlighting episode "The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice."

I wonder if Bill Belichick had “spied” on other teams when he was the top dog of the Cleveland Browns? That Jets game last week sure looked close until the second half. That is, until Tom Brady had a total of five seconds to throw the ball on that majestic Randy Moss bomb in the second half as if the o-line knew exactly what the rush would be. Note: ABC News called Belichick an “Evil Genius” this week. That tells me the brain boys at the alphabet read this blog. So, ABC, please bring back Moonlighting. Return what you have stolen from the people. Redemption can be yours.

Writing of the Browns ”what on earth are they thinking? Trading Charlie Frye after only seven trips to the field? Why don’t they just destroy the team and start over with the number one over all pick in this April’s draft? Of course, the Cowboys own that pick thanks to the Brady Quinn trade.” I wrote that line on Saturday. Golly, what a difference a day makes.

I’m in serious like with ESPN’s new Sunday Countdown team. The addition of Keyshawn Johnson and Emmitt Smith to the classic combination of Chris Berman and Tom Jackson bring an amalgamation of thought and experience only seen in PBS documentaries. The days of bells and whistles are over (see the Rush Limbaugh era). This new Countdown is McLaughlin Group good.

What in the hell has happened to New Orleans? Is it too late to repeal my Super Bowl prediction?

I’m just amazed Byron Leftwich is still on the shelf. You’d think some team would pluck him. His throwing release is sluggish, but Leftwich has the guts of a riverboat gambler.

Coda: During the second half of the Indianapolis at Tennessee game, CBS 42 broadcasted a news alert regarding the arrest of O.J. Simpson for alleged armed robbery. The Juice has claimed he was in the act of retrieving personal stolen goods in Las Vegas. Who would steal from this guy? He was so likable in the Naked Gun movies and Roots, and rumor has it Simpson’s got himself a revenge complex or something. No one in a right state of mind would steal from the Juice. That might make him angry and I’ll bet a bottle of bourbon Simpson gets violent when he feels wronged.