'Madden 2007' for the Xbox 360

Madden 2007
EA Sports
Xbox 360
$59.95

EA Sports is reportedly a video game sweatshop, pushing programmers to churn out next year's title before the current game hits shelves, working hard to ensure each new Madden offers more than just improved graphics and roster updates. The work shows. This is the best looking Madden ever, and the roster is so awesomely current it makes last year's roster look ridiculous.

Come on, Madden 2006: Edgerrin James on the Colts? LaVar Arrington on the Redskins? What is this, an episode of VH1's I Love 2005?

So obviously you have to buy the new Madden. This year, thanks to EA's exclusive contract with the NFL, you really have to buy the new Madden, or you'll be the only kid on your block with a 49ers injured reserve list that doesn't include Vernon Davis.

Beyond the new roster and sweet-ass graphics, Madden offers a few new features. The coolest of these is the highlight stick, basically the offensive counterpart to the much-loved hit stick. Move the secondary joystick from side to side to juke an oncoming defender, pull back to stop short in front of him, and push up to either knock his ass out or twirl away like a little girl, depending on what player you're controlling.

The other, less-successful features are lead blocking on offense and snap count jumping on defense. Theoretically, lead blocking should allow you to switch momentarily to a fullback or a lineman for a crushing block, then switch back to your runner to take advantage of the opening.

The problem with this feature is the computer controls your runner while you're blocking, and the first rule of Madden football is never allow the computer to control anything. The running back is certainly no exception to this rule.

With the computer in control, the running back is constantly knocked on his ass after picking the wrong hole. I mean, what is this, a video game of my wedding night? (Let's move on without trying to decide what this actually means.) And the "jump the snap count" feature should just be renamed the "encroachment-penalty button" feature. It's basically an instant 5-yard penalty anytime you try it.

As an added bonus for Xbox Live users, the game offers the option of letting online users control the opposing teams in your franchise season. This way, if you get tired of winning the Super Bowl every season, you can spice things up by having a giggling 12-year-old from New Jersey tear you a new asshole. Thanks, John Madden!