The AggreGAYtor: January 14

Miss Century City Kylan Wenzel (by misscaliforniausa.com)

Jodie Foster silences the lambs, Bill Donahue joins the bush league, and Donatella Versace returns to the boudoir. Pink is the navy blue of today’s AggreGAYtor.

• Lisa Biron, a lawyer associated with anti-gay “ministry” Alliance Defending Freedom, has been convicted for producing child pornography featuring her 14-year-old daughter.

• I’m not sure if this is a real news item or a leaked plot outline from Portlandia, but apparently Oregon is just aching for resurgence of the Log Cabin Republicans.

• Sarasota police are investigating a possible hate crime against a transgender woman.

• A “political insiders poll,” which was definitely not conducted by Hillary Clinton wearing an Inspector Clouseau disguise, reveals that support for marriage equality is gaining traction in both major parties.

• The all-female Salem College is wrestling with whether to allow a transgender male student to remain on campus.

• Megyn Kelly, a dab of whitening toothpaste flung on a Chippendale mirror, has a blast mocking transgender inmate Michelle Kosilek with Bill O’Reilly.

• Legislative opinion is still mixed on the appointment of openly gay judge Tracy Thorne-Begland to the General District Court. Although the votes for “kill” and “marry” are still neck and neck; it seems a good number of Republicans still want to… you know, take the third option.

• Melted marshmallow Santa Claus Bill Donohue of the Catholic League suggests that President Obama be sworn in on a copy of Das Kapital. Get it? Because Obama’s support of marriage equality makes him a commie pinko. Haha! Oh, Bill, such bonhomie.

• Although helping victims of domestic violence wouldn’t seem like that controversial of an idea, consider that some of those victims may be lesbians. And that some of those lesbians may be Native Americans. We can't just go around helping everyone.

• Salty sea dog Don Dwyer, the Maryland state rep who was most recently spotted crashing his boat into several small children, blames marriage equality for his interest in rum.

• Meanwhile, Fox News’ reporter Todd Starnes , who culture watchers might remember as TV’s Hamburgler, blames “heterophobic bigots” for Louie Giglio’s inaugurus interruptus.

• I’m convinced that the recent uptick in French anti-marriage equality protests has something to do with the golden arches as well. The lurid yellows and reds must be driving the esthetically minded citizens mad. Also le trans fats.

• I would blame a Hong Kong crowd’s orneriness on Mickey D’s too, but those folks should be somewhat accustomed to yellow and red.

• Quelle surprise! NOM’s Colton Brugger, not to be confused with the Colton Brugger who entered this magnificent pig in the Wisconsin State Fair, is the Oz behind a new French anti-gay marriage site. Seriously, that’s one fine pig.

• Although I am on the same ideological page as Femen, I wonder if they have considered forms of protest other than baring their breasts?

• Catholic priests in the UK say that marriage equality is a bigger threat to religious freedom than the 16th century Protestant Reformation. If that seems like some obscure shade, perhaps you are not aware that John Calvin started the whole thing by calling Pope Paul III an “overgrown orangutan.”

• Playing a little civil rights catch-up, Sweden decides to end the practice of sterilizing transgender people.

• Britain’s Buckingham University has discontinued offering courses in Kampala over Ugandan anti-gay culture in what some observers are deeming a “teaching moment.”

• Lifetime achiever Jodie Foster confirms her interest in golden globes.

• Shaken by what she saw in her white powdered magic mirror, fashion oracle Donatella Versace stared dead-eyed at the Milan Council and shrieked, “Lace Spanx, lace Spanx!” before drifting into a deep trance.

• Kylan Wenzel becomes the first transgender contestant in the Miss California USA pageant.

• Here’s a charming photo of Mary Gonzales practically burning down the House. I think it’s time to start a Tumblr. I can’t wait to see all the gifs of her arguing with David Simpson.

• The Main Event says the men who accused them of discrimination have some ‘splaining to do.