The AggreGAYtor: December 17

Since moving back to San Francisco,Jim Jones has been a little more flamboyant (Screen shot from VH1.com)

Tony Perkins wins his hater badge, Matt Damon keeps it classy, and Frank Ocean considers throwing in the towel. In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is today’s AggreGAYtor.

• In a sure sign that the Westboro Baptist Church is the lowest form of filth, the KKK are now waging counter protests against them.

• Which makes them strange bedfellows to hacktavist group Anonymous.

• Fresh from his oddly anti-gay tree lighting ceremony, Pope Benedict XVI has decided to put a stop to the homoerotic nature of Christmas once and for all . No longer will Catholics be allowed to don their “gay apparel,” no longer will upstanding people be subjected to the “prancing and pawing of each little hoof.” You want a hard candy Christmas? Become a Methodist.

• Todd Akin, our nation’s favorite rape taxonomist, is adding sneaky anti-LGBT measures to the defense budget.

• SCOTUS watchers are expecting Justice Anthony Kennedy to rule on the side of marriage equality. This is primarily because he once said “I love you, man” to Samuel Alito while failing to clarify “no homo.”

• After a global outcry, Uganda’s “Kill the Gays” bill is dead in parliament for now. Suspiciously, a bill titled the “Support Fuzzy Wuzzy Kittie-poos” slipped by without notice.

• A new study says that marriage aids in the health of same-sex couples.

• Shy innkeeper Tony Perkins believes that the Boy Scouts’ LGBT exclusion makes “good citizens,” the kind who would never, ever, ever cover up child sexual abuse. No sir.

• Stephen Hawking joins the chorus calling for the pardon of legendary inventor Alan Turing.

• New York’s district attorney is reopening the case involving the death of LGBTQ icon Marsha P. Johnson.

• The government of Chile has apologized for denying lesbian mother custody of her children. They explained that they would have issued the apology earlier, but it took them a really long time to find the appropriate card.

• Saba has become the first Caribbean island to legalize same-sex nuptials.

• On Sunday, a horde took to Paris’ streets to support marriage equality and probably hit each other on the head with baguettes, because where else would that be apropos. YOLO.

• Columbian homosexualists Andrés Vásquez and Felipe Cárdenas have pissed off a bunch of folks by featuring an all-male Nativity scene outside their home. Less controversial was their Three Wise Men bareback three-way.

• In the land of elk and honey, a Salvation Army volunteer is in hot water for telling gay folk not to donate.

• Minnesota Vikings Assistant Coach Mike Priefer thinks Chris Kluwe’s LGBTQ activism is “getting old.”

• TV veterans David Marshall Grant and Sarah Condon have developed a HBO series that will take a comedic look at a trio of thirty-ish gay men dealing with contemporary gay life. The first episode follows “Brandon,” a young professional who falls asleep at his desk after Sunday Funday. Maybe I’m projecting.

• The eternally classy Matt Damon says he did not deny Ben Affleck gay rumors because he did not want to imply that something was wrong with being gay.

• Frank Ocean is considering leaving the music business to write a novel. You are correct to blame Willy Cartier.

• The Dallas Morning News has officially thrown their support behind marriage equality.

• Police have still not ruled out calling the murder of Mollie Olgin a hate crime.

VIDEO BONUS: Presenting the last wheezing gasps of the "gay sensibility."