Mississippi: GODDAMN!

Hello, Gay People. I'm a straight girl. I don't get into y'all's business very often. But this week, our issues have overlapped. It's no surprise that this intersection of concern is happening in Mississippi.

The world is full of injustice and suffering; everyone has their own special issues for which they fight. You have to narrow your focus, or it's overwhelming. So, when idiots yammer on about gay marriage threatening "real" marriage, I punch them in the face and sign the petitions like everyone else, but, to be perfectly honest, it doesn't make my blood boil in the same way that it does when politicians sign bills denying poor children access to health care, for example. My heart lies with the well-being of the world's children, gay or straight, black or white, rich or poor.

But Mississippi. Oh, Mississippi!

Oh, Bible Belt – you're so awesome – always hanging on to the last shreds of every bigoted social custom as long as you possibly can. Those good, decent, hard-working folks are so bummed that lynchings are out this year that they had to come up with a fresh, new humanitarian nightmare:

Constance McMillen, an 18-year-old senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi, wanted to go to the prom with her girlfriend. Her school found out about her plan and said they would rather cancel the prom than allow the girls to go. Real grown-up move on their part, right?

"I'll just take my toys and go home!" said the school district. And who could blame them – seriously, What Would Jesus Do? Would Jesus want to get all dolled up in his nice, rented tuxedo just to be confronted by two girls dancing together in the hotel ballroom? No, that makes Jesus want to throw up, dear gay people. That makes Jesus wonder if his own date will get crazy ideas in her head. Jesus wonders if lesbians at the prom might actually interfere with his plans to get laid in the motel room he rented for that very purpose after prom night. He bought real champagne, y'all. It's serious.

But, it gets better. Instead of just canceling the prom, they invited the scary lesbians to a fake prom at a country club ballroom. The "real" prom was held somewhere else – the lesbians and some special needs kids were invited to the Island of Misfit Toys Prom. The principal and a few teachers chaperoned the lesbian/handicapped Prom – so you know it's okay.

I read a beautiful piece of writing about this fake prom earlier this morning on The Blogess. She was angry, sure, but responded with love and understanding towards these idiots. Kind of similar to the way a certain fellow in a rented tuxedo tells us to behave towards our fellow man, right? Because it seems to me like Jesus would be hanging out at the gay prom with all the mentally retarded kids and the outcasts. That is what I don't understand when I hear people from places like Mississippi talking about the Christian family values that sanction this kind of hateful shit – I just want ask them: "Have y'all read your book?" You know, that big, black manual for life – the one you take so literally. Have you actually read it?"

Because I have. I read the entire Bible when I was in high school. Okay, I did skip the parts about chaff and wheat and mixing the fibers of your clothes – but I read the majority of the Bible and this Jesus guy that they are always talking about? He mostly said stuff like, "Don't judge – that's my dad's job," and "Treat people the way you would treat me," and "Love each other."

I loved seeing a liberal sex columnist "turn the other cheek" this morning, behaving more like Christ than the people who held the fake prom probably ever have. But I am not a Christian, nor do I pretend to possess any morals since I made that pact with the Devil a few years ago – so I don't have to be kind or loving about this kind of shit. It makes me go apeshit. I jump up and down and yell at the computer, then spend three hours online trying to find out the principals home phone number so I can prank call him.

Besides being fired, I think that the conservative, family values people who did this should be sentenced to read the entire Bible, from cover to cover and find out what it really says about how to treat people. All people, the weak, the outcast, the ill, those who have less than you and those who are different from you – all people deserve our basic respect. (Even Republicans, y'all. Sorry.)

My good friend Danna called this morning. I went off about the Fake Prom. She pretty much summed it up:

"Mississippi ranks last in the nation on overall human development." she said. "Every report ranks this state last in education, income, and life expectancy for a long time, and as recently as 2009. They clearly have bigger fucking problems then who somebody does or does not dance with."