News Ticker: September 25

Ted Cruz gets chatty, Todd Staples waters things down, and Larry the Cable Guy takes up punditry. Fetor is on the News Ticker.

• After all the Washington hubbub, we just wish we knew where Sen. Ted Cruz stood on Obamacare. Is this the kind of thing where Ted pretends not to know Obamacare at school, but they meet at the mall food court on weekends? Is Obamacare Ted's frenemy.

• Many in the media faintly recalled that they had heard the word "filibuster" before.

• Meanwhile Gov. Rick Perry took the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to appear sensible. Almost sensible. Like if your dad gave you advice while brushing his teeth and you missed a few words.

• Social media reactions to Ted's petulant adventure were varied. Open-shirted atheist C.J. Werleman noted the passion of the effort.

You can cut the sexual tension between Ted Cruz and John McCain with a knife.

— CJ Werleman (@cjwerleman) September 25, 2013

• Like the moist armholes of his sleeveless plaid shirt, Larry the Cable Guy was practically dripping with enthusiasm.

@SenTedCruz Git-r-done Ted!!!

— Larry The Cable Guy (@GitRDoneLarry) September 25, 2013

• Some were confused why Cruz thanked Rep. Louie Gohmert. It did seem odd that he would single out one of the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal.

yeah, that's just weird RT @amanbatheja: Cruz thanks Rep. Louie Gohmert, who he says was with him "the entire night."

— anthony gutierrez (@antgutierrez) September 25, 2013

• But the last word came from the Texas Commission of Environmental Quality. Concerned with all the methane spewing from Cruz's lips, they declared today an Ozone Action Day.

• A forum held in Austin today argued for the creation of a downtown public market. God knows there aren't enough places to sip Pinot Grigio in this town.

• Dallas, an upscale shopping development north of town, is having some troubles with spiders.

• Should you build a leaky backyard water park for the sole purpose of teaching your cat a lesson? No, says Ag Commissioner Todd Staples.

• An encouraging new poll suggests that most Texans believe in global warming. Unfortunately, a good portion of those still believe that climate change was caused by Ozymandias, angered by that time he got black olives in his buffalo chicken sub.

• United Airlines began nonstop Austin to Cleveland flights today from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport, although no one has been able to adequately explain why.

• The Texas Department of State Health Services knows that the way to reaching teens is to use their language. Like twerk or duuuudddee or "community mobilization and coalition building."