News Ticker: July 26

Greg Abbott gets grumpy, Wendy Davis makes the rounds, and Ted Cruz falls in with the wrong crowd. Popularity is on the News Ticker.

• Atty. Gen. Greg Abbott, the "lawyer that bawks," continues to be aghast that anyone would dare call their attempts to disenfranchise voters an attempt to disenfranchise voters.

• Some may question why the Department of Justice is targeting Texas? Our theory is that they are really resentful of our queso.

• A federal appeals court has foiled Abbott's evil plot to shroud Texas in the miasma of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Tuesday poker night.

• A survey taken at the time of Ronald Reagan cosplayer Ted Cruz's senatorial victory shows he lost the Hispanic vote by 20%.

• No one is quite sure why Cruz wasn't more popular. Maybe it's the new crowd he hangs out with, but we kan't knowingly komment.

• Sen. Wendy Davis's whirlwind D.C. fundraising tour has Sens. Jane Nelson, Dan Patrick, and Donna Campbell acting like ugly stepsisters. Oh well, we're sure Wendy will let them try on the glass Mizunos when she gets back.

• We'll admit we're not well-versed in beer garden history, but did a typical 19th century beer garden experience really include a lecture? No wonder Germans have a reputation for being dour.

• According to religious right group Texas Values, the Alamo city's proposed nondiscrimination ordinance will turn the San Antonio river to blood. We didn't know Julián Castro was so metal.