News Ticker: May 28

Sen. Donna Campbell

Donna Campbell rises to the top, JC Penney evokes Godwin's law, and Rick Perry quenches his thirst. Resentment is on the News Ticker.

• Highlights from Texas lawmakers' "what I did on my summer vacation" essays include Rep. Debbie Riddle's prose poem detailing the application of half a lid worth of "Bedazzled Biscotti" eyeshadow and Sen. John Carona's lurid account of the scratching of a "Chili Pepper Tripler" lottery ticket.

• Risking legislative ire, Gov. Rick Perry vetoed a widely supported "Buy American" bill. To be fair, he probably was unaware that 'Murrica is spelled with an "A."

• Perry did, however, sign the House's water bill after being reminded that it is necessary in the production of hair mousse.

• Sen. Donna Campbell may pull off an upset by overtaking sentient dental implant Dan Patrick in the Texas Tribune's worst lawmaker race.

• Austin Energy has a slate of great tips for avoiding being stung by the summer energy rate increase. Best bets include cooking over an LED candle, not allowing your cat to set the thermostat, and telling friends that your sweat-soaked hair is a tribute to Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love" video.

• Nike reminds the Livestrong Foundation that "just do it" does have its limits.

• With the poncho suddenly missing from the Stevie Ray Vaughan sculpture, Mayor Lee Leffingwell may be regretting giving cherubic kleptomaniac Paul McCartney a key to the city.

• Austin has received a $2.5 HUD grant to be used in upgrading older residences to "healthy homes." A.G. Greg Abbott, convinced that all mentions of the word "health" lead back to Obamacare, is allegedly considering a lawsuit.

• Although 94 people were arrested during the APD Memorial Day No Refusal Initiative, disappointingly none of those appear to be state representatives, DPS officials, or district attorneys.

• JC Penney is creating quite a buzz with their new Michael Graves' houseware line. Best sellers include the stainless steel Pol pots and a special edition of "Papa Doc" Le Creuset.