Are You Ready For Shakwon and Reggie?

Call the Doc

What was supposed to happen: this particular offering of Check Yo’ Self would feature a mind-bendingly accurate depiction of Redman’s throw down at the Parish last night. What happened: I didn’t end up going. One friend got sick, two forgot to RSVP, and, after sorting through these disheartening conversations, I decided waiting by myself outside the Parish for a show I wasn’t guaranteed admittance to sounded even less appealing than a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats and the Cubs-Brewers game.

My apologies, Red-Heads, but all commentary on Reggie Noble’s live exploits will have to wait until November 18, when he and Method Man light up Stubb's. That’s not to say I didn’t consider Redman in some manner last night.

One of the most common misconceptions among hip-hop fans these days pertains to Redman’s involvement in the Wu-Tang Clan. It’s an easy mistake. The Wu’s got a RZA and a GZA, and they hang out. Method Man and Redman hang out, and their names are similar too, but their relationship grew more from a divine adoration of marijuana and contracts with Def Jam.

Besides, Redman could never fit in perfectly enough with the Wu. I don’t say this because I think he doesn’t have the skill in his delivery or the progressiveness in his lyrics. I say this because he simply lacks the abundance of nicknames that accompany all nine members in Shaolin. All Red’s got is the Funk Doc, which is good but hardly Clan-worthy.

The Wu-Tang Clan didn’t invent the idea of the stage name in hip-hop or even popularize building an alias off it. That’s something that’s been around since the dawn of the art, as Kool Herc’s real name is Clive Campbell and Furious Fiver Eddie Morris carried the moniker Mr. Ness, but would also turn his head to “Scorpio.” The Wu sure as shit did something with this alias thing, though. Here’s a quick look at their alias cheat sheet, as outlined in The Wu-Tang Manual by RZA:

RZA: The Abbot, Bobby Digital, Bobby Steels, Prince Rakeem, the RZA-recta, the Scientist, Prince Delight, Prince Dynamite, Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig Allah

GZA: Genius, Justice, Allah Justice, Maximillion, the Scientist (I know), the Head

Ol’ Dirty Bastard: Dirty, the Professor, the Bebop Specialist, the Specialist, Prince Delight, Ason Unique, Unique Ason, Osiris, Cyrus, Big Baby Jesus, Dirt McGirt, Dirt Schultz, Ol’ Dirt Dawg, Joe Bananas, Freeloading Rusty

Method Man: The Panty Raider, Methtical, Tical, Ticallion Stallion, Hott Nikkels, Hot Nixon, Iron Lung, John-John McLane, Johnny Blaze, John-John Blaizini, Johnny Dangerous, Shakwon, Ghost Rider, the MZA, Long John Silver Raekwon: Lex Diamonds, Louis Diamonds, Rick Diamonds, Shallah

Ghostface Killah: Iron Man, Tony Starks, Sun God, Wally Champ, General Tony Starks, Starkey Love, Pretty Toney

Inspectah Deck: Rebel INS, Rollie Fingers, Fifth Brother, Ayatollah, Manifesto, Charliehorse

U-God: Golden Arms, Lucky Hands, Universal God of Law, Baby U, Baby Huey, Four-Bar Killer, Ugodz-Illa

Masta Killa: Noodles High Chief, Jamel Irief