Are you M.I.A. or Kanye?

OPEN IMAGE GALLERY

Winged Attitude by Jeremy Scott

Are you having a late-night identity crisis? Do the recent piles on your closet floor represent more than three different decades? Maybe you caught yourself walking out of the house wearing teal-blue enamel hoops with bellbottoms. If writhing around on the closet floor in said piles didn't help much, you've forgotten the one tried and true question at a time like this: Which shoe is you? Here's a two-second late-night litmus test.

Are you a sexy mini-militia, one-deep? Are chains bouncing off leather as you ball through my hood? Then check out these bad boys from the UES Femme line. At $415, however, you'll probably have to choose among gold, black, and white. If the gold-plate is a bit slick for you, consider rigging your own with Converse hi-tops, a few giant jump rings, and costume chains of your choice from a place like Claire's Icing. It's probably easier to accomplish at home anyway, while cranking out fake visas, since you're already kind of set up.

But if the chip on your shoulder is measured in carats and you're generally steamed, then you're more like the Louis Vuitton Don. In this case, you better move your mouse and get in an order for the Winged Attitude by Jeremy Scott for Adidas available next month. Kanye has already been seen kicking them in white, but the gold foil version pictured here is the obvious choice for maximum skirt reflectivity. Or checking yourself.