Two Off the Stack: A Bible to Party By, and Hints From Heloise

If you love to give theme parties, but all you've got to show for yourself is some caramelized pineapple on the cold grill and an uneven set of lime-green napkin rings, you might consider The Party Bible: The Good Book for Great Times by Connor Pritchard and Dominic Russo (Adams Media, 223 pp., $14.95).

Comedy Central writers and founders of The 5th Year, a party-planning service, Pritchard and Russo actually bring a lot more practical advice than we ever would have guessed when we picked up this "bible that begs you to sin". They start with a serious introduction of detailed instructions for planners on how to make sure people show up, the drawbacks of just throwing a big "shit show", how to get started (with the motto "If you're bored, you're boring"), and most heartening, an assurance that we will never find togas, hos, or white trash themes as part of the scripture. Indeed, instructions for the Awkward Party, for instance, include taking the bathroom door down and serving glasses of milk and gefilte fish. The menu for the Donkey Punch Dinner Party, on the other hand, "features the most offensive and disgustingly named dishes you can imagine", as well as "Golden Shower Ale" labels on your bottles. By far our favorite party theme here, though, is The Fake Wake. Basically a roast, the honoree lays in a fake coffin while friends roast him or her during a service. The buffet should be fantastic for this one, and Car Bombs would be a great cocktail name.

Whichever of Pritchard and Russo's parties you choose to throw, clean up will be a factor, so to whom else would we turn but trusty Heloise? Handy Household Hints From Heloise: Hundreds of Great Ideas at Your Fingertips (Rodale, 402 pp., &17.99) is here to help you "Bust That Clutter!", maintain your vehicle, and clean everything in between. Party tips here come with a bit less edge, such as rolling napkins and plastic utensils with elastic ponytail holders and using discarded microwave turntables as "wonderful cake plates", but that's fine with us, we'll always love Heloise.

Don't miss Heloise when she arrives to inspect the 2010 Texas Book Festival with an appearance on October 16th. Check out the October 14th issue of The Austin Chronicle for more coverage of the Festival.