The Luv Doc: Money ... It’s a Crime

Dear Luv Doc,

My grandmother died a few months ago and (to my surprise) she left me and my two older brothers a substantial amount of money. I am deeply grateful to receive this inheritance, but my husband and I both have decent paying jobs and a relatively comfortable life. After talking to my oldest brother – who is even better off financially than we are – we decided that we would each give 20% of our inheritance to our middle brother, who works two jobs and has four children. When my husband heard about this plan, he got really upset that we hadn’t consulted with him. He thinks I should keep all the money because we will be better at investing it and can still help out my brother if he needs it. I feel like since this is money we didn’t have and weren’t expecting, he should just be happy we’re getting anything. He says that if it were him getting the money he would have consulted me – easy for him to say. Who is right here? Was I wrong in not consulting my husband before making the agreement with my brother? We do share everything and have a joint bank account, but this is a different situation, right? – Unexpected Heiress

To quote the longest-charting album of all time, “Money ... it’s a crime/ share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.” For the fictional Gen Z-ers who read this column: I’m obviously referring to what is arguably Pink Floyd’s greatest artistic achievement ... well, aside from those enormous inflatable flying pigs ... Dark Side of the Moon, and its “hit” song, “Money.” How do I know it’s a hit song? It says so ... right in the song: “Money ... it’s a hit/ don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.”

Now, even more problematic than being a Gen X/boomer quoting a prog-rock album released by a bunch of middle-class white guys in 1973 is that fact that one of those multimillionaire geezer one-percenters, Roger Waters – the one who actually wrote the song above – has been popping off with disturbingly anti-Israel/antisemitic statements for more than a decade. Is he an actual antisemite? I can’t say definitively, but remember, kids: If you want to sell your anti-Zionist views, maybe don’t dress up in Nazi regalia to do so, no matter how deeply you feel that Israel turned Palestine into a giant concentration camp. Fucking boomers, AMIRITE?

Anyway as I sit here and pondering your husband wandering around the house sullenly humming “don’t give me that do-goody-good bullshit” under his breath, I can’t help but think he might have a bit of a point. Did it help that he tried to sell it by dressing as Ebenezer Scrooge? Probably not, although those Victorian sleeping gowns look comfy AF, don’t they? Yes, your inheritance is separate property until you commingle it by, for instance, putting it into your joint bank account. Until then he doesn’t effectively have a say in the matter. (Side note: Don’t quote me on that because this is Texas – where you don’t even have the right to determine what happens to the contents of your womb, much less your financial assets.) So, while your husband doesn’t have any (I think) legal standing, I do think that as a life partner (soul mate? CFO?) he probably feels a bit hurt that you didn’t even bring him into the discussion.

Yes, it is unquestionably your money, but given that you regularly share everything else, I would assume you share information as well. I don’t think it would be the worst thing to apologize to your husband for not bringing him into the conversation, but you absolutely should stand your ground regarding how you dispense your newfound assets, that is absolutely your decision alone. Maybe he can have a slice of your pie once you’ve shared it fairly.