Qmmunity: I Yam Who I Yam

I’m afflicted by blood test blues (photo by Hushm Naidoo Jade Photography via Unsplash)

The other week, I got my blood taken to test my testosterone levels. We love a bloodletting, don’t we folks? Well, not me! Getting my blood drawn feels, in my creative opinion, a little like fitting a straw into another straw. My veins: a straw; the needle: another straw; you get the picture.

While my humors were sucked from my body, I tried to make small talk – a coping mechanism I have against intense freak-outs. To the nurse administering the blood draw, I mentioned a Tumblr poll I saw (and yes I continue to use Tumblr, otherwise where will I find gay little pictures of L Death Note) posing the question of whether you’d want to get a nose swab or a blood draw. I picked nose swab, since I’ve had both and swabs just make me have to blow my nose after. The nurse, thoughtfully, said nose swabs hurt a lot. Okay, sure, but getting my blood drawn makes me gag and my blood pressure spike.

Rather than respond with “To each their own,” the nurse told me what they tell all their trans patients getting hormone treatments: That getting blood drawn is now part of my identity as a trans person. It’s something I’ll have to do as long as I’m on HRT. I didn’t know what to say 1) because ugh, gross, just had a needle in my arm and now I could see a vial full of my blood, and 2) because I’m sorry, what? It’s my identity that I get a blood test every few months? Oy vey.

I tell this story not to be a whiner – although, honestly, if I’m nothing else, I’m a fuckin’ whiner – but to highlight an experience that actually has become part of my trans identity. Since the moment I came out, people have just said weird shit to me for the sole reason that I’m transgender and they have An Opinion. Is it all cis people? No, there exists a variety in folks saying goofy stuff about me being trans or just about the overall concept of transness. Whatever the case, it has become a part of me to quickly calculate whether or not what they’re saying is fucked enough to call out or, like in the case of the blood draw, I can just go “Uh, okay.”

It’s an experience most trans people face – being told who you are by someone who thinks transness is the same the community over. The intent isn’t always malevolent, but the experience deals psychic damage anyway.

It’d be easier if my transness were confined to a standard experience, one that I could schedule like a blood test. But that’s the binary baby brain talking: Identity is complex, hard to pin down, and predicated on more than just what others project on you. On this gender journey, the real challenge is maintaining that sense of self in the face of a world that’d prefer I follow the constantly shifting goalposts of what a Real Trans Person is. As trans ally Popeye once said, I yam who I yam.

Body Mechanics

Friday 22, 301 Chicon

Unofficial Austin Music Awards “Worst Rave,” as titled by Body Mechanics’ own meme, this party blows out the stereo with sets from Rosei City (SATX), Kowboy (DTX), and locals Vitalik and Lucia Beyond. Fetish attire encouraged, but touching without consent? Kick bricks, creep!

BIPOC Queer Speed Friending

Saturday 23, Limestone Rooftop at the Cambria

You got a friend in Austin, and they’re waiting for you at this event thrown by Queer Black Women Alliance! Connections vibes will be boosted by Find Your Bestie Bingo, supplied questions, and raffle prizes – plus tasty drinks and bites.

Sensational SaturGAY

Saturday 23, Industry

Hosted by Maxine LaQueene, this brunch benefits Austin Pets Alive! with a pet runway walk-off, prizes, and, of course, a pup-tastic food spread. Featuring performances by Xtra, Joselyn Breezy, Jayden Daniels, and all the way from ATL, JayBella Banks.