The Luv Doc: Office Cuck

Dear Luv Doc,

I knew my girlfriend was flirty when I met her. TBH, if she wasn’t so outgoing we might not have met at all, but since we’ve been going out I’ve realized that she’s that way with nearly every man she meets. She’ll even tell me she has a “crush on so-and-so” and tell me how good-looking she thinks he is. My friends tease me about it and call me a cuck, but I don’t think she’s been unfaithful. Then we are at a work party, and she ended up spending most of the night talking to one of my co-workers because they’re both from East Texas. She asked me to get her a drink, and when I said OK, she asked if I could get one for him too. I was extra annoyed about that and then when I got back with the drinks they were gone. After looking around for a while, I found them sitting out on the patio. I was pissed. We had a big fight about it when I took her home. She said she told me they were going to the patio. I don’t remember her saying that at all. Then, when I told her to never do that to me again, she said I am being crazy and controlling and that she wasn’t flirting, she just had a lot in common with my co-worker. Now I have to see him at work every day knowing that he probably thinks she wants to hook up with him. I’m not being crazy, right? Her behavior was disrespectful and I’m thinking that maybe I should break up with her like my friends have been telling me to. Am I wrong? – Drink Fetcher

OK, first of all, if you hook up with someone from East Texas, you already have one foot in the gator swamp. That’s on you, especially if she sounds like a female version of Ross Perot or maybe Charles Durning as the Governor from Best Little Sex Worker House in Texas. Did I just take a bit of poetic license with the title of a beloved Dolly Parton classic film? Damn skippy, but only because I know gratuitous wokeness really ruffles the feathers of conservative tough guys like Gov. Abbott, who, if I am being completely honest, I would replace with Charles Durning in a New York minute – and yes, I know Durning has been dead since 2012. It’s a good thing too, because I can only imagine Durning would be highly distraught that the image of fictional sleazeball governor he portrayed on film would be further sullied by an actual Texas governor.

In stark contrast to Governor Greg, Durning was actually a true patriot, a highly decorated World War II veteran who stormed the beach at Normandy, was wounded by an anti-personnel mine, recovered, and then fought in the Battle of the Bulge. To be fair, Abbott has fought in a few battles himself. He tried to make sex toys illegal, he fought to outlaw same-sex marriage, he fought for campus carry, and then, after the Uvalde school shooting, he fought his toughest battle of all: to shamelessly fellate the gun lobby while Texas parents were burying their children. He bravely put on his second face and tossed the spiritual alms of thoughts and prayers onto those kids’ caskets. Years hence, when Texans think of courage, the sacrifice and bravery of the Alamo defenders will surely be overshadowed by Greg Abbott’s thoughts and prayers and his valiant defense of the gun lobby. Who knows? Maybe “Remember Fellatio!” will become the new Texas battle cry.

Wait a minute ... where was I? Oh yeah, your flirty girlfriend. She sounds like a real bon vivant. Look, you clearly chose her because she is an outgoing, engaging person who is passionate about other people and very likely life in general. My bet is that other people find her attractive too. I think now is a good time to ask yourself whether you’re the kind of person who is secure enough to let her be the person you’re attracted to, or whether you’re going to always feel the need to rein her in. If it’s the latter, I encourage you to jump out now while you’ve cooked up some indignation. However, from an outsider’s perspective, it mostly sounds like you let your friends get in your head and maybe overreacted. What if the co-worker she was talking to had been a woman? Would you get all pissy about getting her a drink or about them going on the patio? I doubt it. If you decide to stay with her, you’re going to have to judge her on what she actually does and not what you’re worried she might do. That’s not being a cuck, that’s being fair.