The Luv Doc: Paris in the Fall

Dear Luv Doc,

My brother-in-law is a know-it-all, self-righteous jerk. He never graduated college, but he "reads a lot" so he thinks he is qualified to tell me and my husband (his little brother) how we should live, who we should vote for, what we should do with our money, etc., even though he makes less money than my husband – quite a bit less. On Sunday we were at my in-laws' house and my husband told him we were planning a vacation to Paris in the fall. His response was, "You don't want to go to Paris! It's a total rip-off!" I said, "How do you know? Have you been?" He said, "No, but people get ripped off there all the time. It's all over the internet." I asked, "Where does it say that on the internet?" He said, "I don't know, but I read about it all the time." I said that he should either quote his sources or keep his mouth shut. Later, when I was coming out of the bathroom, I overheard him saying to my husband, "What's wrong with her? Is she on the rag or something?" I got up in his face and said, "No, I'm not on the rag, I just can't stand listening to your stupid bullshit all the time." On the way home, my husband was upset with me for confronting his brother. He said that I should just be quiet and let him babble because I am never going to change his mind. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How can I be wrong for defending myself?

– Not on the Rag … Currently

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You were not wrong in defending yourself. In fact, I strongly believe that your brother-in-law wasn't sincerely inquiring about the timing of your menstrual cycle. Rather, he was trying to impugn the validity of your response by implying that your thoughts and behaviors are ruled by hormones rather than intellect. Some people – mind you, I'm not one of them – would refer to your brother-in-law as a "douche," but that's a bit of a misnomer because I think it's safe to say that not even the most misguided of feminine hygiene practitioners would let him anywhere near their privates. Besides, as deeply satisfying as it sometimes may be, name-calling is rarely useful in promoting real change, and it seems to me you really need to change your brother-in-law. Have you considered divorcing your husband? That usually does the trick. At least it might keep him from getting upset about you confronting his brother.

Now, I know it might seem like you won the lotto when you married into a brother-in-law who reads a lot, but the worldwide literacy rate for males is somewhere around 90%, so that bar is pretty easy to stumble over. Also, as you've surely learned, literacy alone is no guarantee of actual intelligence. What someone reads is every bit as important as the fact that they're reading at all. I'm always a bit cautious when I hear someone describe themselves as "a big reader." Usually that phrase is followed by some byzantine flat-earther/anti-vaxxer/9-11/QAnon/pizzagate conspiracy theory that involves Hillary Clinton, George Soros, aliens, and Taylor Swift. That's the point at which you realize they meant "big text reader" as in the large, boldface, thumbnail pic fonts used to lure people down whatever titillating YouTube wormhole juices their id. Don't get me wrong, big readers can be endlessly entertaining … right up until they whip out a foil hat, some ivermectin, or worst of all, a meticulously modified assault weapon.

The truth is, we're pretty much all getting tooled by some algorithm or another. For all I know, Paris, Texas, might be lousy with crooks, hustlers, swindlers, scammers, charlatans, and mountebanks. I've never been there – not even on TikTok. I will say that it is suspiciously adjacent to Louisiana, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. They're all pretty shady. Yes, their Eiffel Tower has a red cowboy hat, and yes, Joel Osteen's father, John, who founded Lakewood Baptist in Houston, was born in Paris, but that's just one guy. I bet the rest of the folks in Paris are the salt of the Earth.

I think you should go to Paris despite your brother-in-law's admonitions. It won't convince him he's wrong, but the distance and perspective might make it easier for you to explain to your husband why it was completely unacceptable for him to allow his brother to behave as he did, whether it was in your presence or your absence.