The Luv Doc: A Pound of Butter

Dear Luv Doc,

Me and my gf moved in together in 2020. For the most part we get along well and don't have too many conflicts. I work part time as a physical therapist, and she works at a large law firm, so I usually end up doing most of the cooking, which I enjoy. Since I am in the health and fitness field, I like to cook healthy meals like grilled chicken with vegetables, quinoa salad, etc., etc. For a long time my gf didn't complain about the meals I made, but since she has been back in the office and going to lunch with her co-workers, she has started asking me to cook unhealthier foods like pasta and fried chicken. I have been refusing to do it because I don't want to eat that stuff myself, and now she is asking me if I will cook separate meals so she can eat what she wants and I can eat what I want – so basically twice the work. I told her no. Am I being unreasonable?

– Not Her Line Chef

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No, you are not being unreasonable, but if you'll allow me a foodish metaphor, reason never buttered anyone's muffin. Nobody goes on a blind date and comes back speaking glowingly about how reasonable the other person was – OK, maybe an engineer ... or even a lawyer, but trust me, the list is really short. I'm not saying that reasonableness isn't an attractive quality in a partner, it's just usually not a trait people get excited about. Football coaches don't tell everybody to bring it in and then say, "Let's be reasonable out there." Reason has its limits.

For instance: Missionary sex is totally reasonable. It ticks off all the important boxes: Intimacy, contact, orgasm ... well, for at least 50% of the people involved nearly 100% of the time. Even still, if a tiny angel landed on your shoulder and said you can marry the woman of your dreams but you can only have missionary sex with her for the rest of your life, my guess is you would say you need a minute to think about it, maybe even an entire Rumspringa.

You probably see where I am heading here, right? Gastronomically you're telling your girlfriend that it's going to be nothing but missionary from here on out and she's saying, "I would like some D style with a side of reverse cowgirl, EVEN IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME BECAUSE OTHERWISE, WHY EVEN?" After a hard day of lawyering (and TBH I have no idea what that actually burns calorically) a girl wants to treat herself – especially if she just won a big case. Nobody sprays the crowd with coconut water in the winner's circle. After a big victory you pour Gatorade on the coach's head, you don't actually drink it.

Look, I get it. You're all about that H. You've cracked the dietary code for a long and healthy life and you want to share that with your girlfriend. You probably find her lack of gratitude appalling, but there is a middle ground. You have got to slip her a little something something every now and then to keep things interesting, or she's going to find someone who will. My bet is that you've already refined her palate to a certain extent, so you can probably relax your standards a bit ... or a lot. It's a rare person who can eat birria tacos, Hot Pockets, and fried banana sandwiches day after day without occasionally wanting a lemon water chia seed detox.

Here's the thing: Just because your girlfriend wants to live a little doesn't mean she's trying to kill herself, and you won't be murdering her by giving in to her request. If you really do enjoy cooking, you have the opportunity to really stretch your skills here. How exciting! Or, maybe you don't actually enjoy cooking, you just like to be in control. If that's the case, you need to work on that. Maybe start with a pound of butter.