The Luv Doc: Pandemic Blues

Dear Luv Doc,

My best friend's boyfriend broke up with her and moved out of their apartment the week after Thanksgiving. Everyone who knew him could see that it was coming, so neither me nor any of our friends were surprised when it happened. Even still, she was absolutely devastated. She hasn't left her apartment since. I know it is a pandemic and no one is leaving the house, but she and I used to at least go for walks once a week. Basically all she does is sit on her couch watching Netflix and ordering in food. Every time I talk to her she seems really depressed. I am legitimately concerned for her mental health. What can I do to get her to snap out of it?

– Pandemic Blues

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Damn. That is no bueno. Like the rest of America and arguably the world, I am fairly certain that in the last nine months I have seen literally everything on Netflix. Warrior Nun? Seen it. El Chapo? Si. Schitt's Creek? Shit yeah! How did it not win an Emmy for best series name? Just unimaginable ... or do I mean unimaginary? Hmmmmm ... My Octopus Teacher? Of course. Let whoever among us who has something more exciting to do for 85 minutes than watch a South African dude's slightly creepy attachment to a female octopus cast the first stone. I've even seen Da 5 Bloods and The Prom, neither of which I can discuss substantively without violating every rule of literary and social decorum.

However, let me just say that it was heartbreaking to see the nearly spotless careers of film icons like Delroy Lindo and Meryl Streep savaged by Netflix's voracious need for fresh content. Couldn't those cinematic monstrosities have been buried deep in some studio vault and replaced by some sort of scandalous low-budget indie project? Couldn't the octopus guy work up an interspecies chub for an endangered manatee? Who knows? Maybe he could have prevented "Trump" from being carved in its back. Or maybe he would have kept an infuriatingly respectful distance so as not to disturb the manatee's natural habitat ... aka Florida, a state seemingly destined (see what I did there?) by God ... or perhaps his eager servants ... to out-stupid Texas at every turn. OK, sorry. It appears I have digressed even more than normal. Maybe it's because I am currently in the middle of watching Halt and Catch Fire and am annoyed that Dallas has an inexplicable preponderance of Loblolly pines.

Regarding your best friend: We have all been there at one point or another – and by "we" I mean people who have been emotionally gutted and had their insides replaced with an unhealthy fear of commitment. Being broken up with is hard. It shatters your confidence, fucks with your sense of self, and arguably, even your grasp of reality. Some people have the ability to hit the reset button quickly, but others – and perhaps your friend is among them – need a bit more time to reconstruct their lives. While I don't think it's wise to put a time limit on your friend's healing process, I do think there is plenty you can do to distract her from her pain and encourage her to get back in the game – at least as much as The Goop Lab, although, to be fair, it's probably healthier to watch people do psychedelics if that is your tack for getting groove back.

Me, I tend to favor the double whammy of self-indulgence and self-improvement. I would encourage you to encourage her to take this time to do the things she has always wanted to do – however frivolous or silly. I know that is going to be a bit hard during the pandemic, but to the extent she can, she should live the best life she can possibly imagine, and let her know you are there to help her do it. Encourage her to explore her potential without the baggage of a relationship holding her down. Take some online courses ... or real courses if available. Learn how to skydive ... or crochet ... or how to make a respectable bolognese. And get her back to taking walks with you even if you have to drag her out of the house. Maybe tell her it's for your sanity and not for hers. Walking isn't just good for your health, it's good for your mind as well, if only because it gives you the sense of moving forward, which is exactly what she needs.