Luv Doc: Tinder Mercy
Stupidity makes its way to the surface eventually
By Luv Doc, Fri., Oct. 4, 2019
Dear Luv Doc,
I recently found my friend's boyfriend on Tinder. They have only been going out for about six months, so I thought it might be an old profile, but I was on the other night and he was "active." I am not sure what I should do. I don't hang out with her as much as I used to before they started dating, so I don't really know what their situation is, but this doesn't look good. Should I tell her?
Yes, you should tell her. Just know that there are risks to being the bearer of bad news. If, for some reason, they find a way to work it out, you're probably not going to be very high on this dude's friend list. The good news is that unless he is doing some sort of online dating research or they have some sort of polyamory agreement, there is a very slim chance the relationship will last – at least statistically.
More than likely, you will just be doing your friend a huge favor. This guy might be rich, good looking, and incredibly charming, but one thing he isn't is smart. Austin is a big city, but it's also a small town in a lot of ways. If you hadn't discovered this guy on Tinder, rest assured that someone else would have. Stupidity makes its way to the surface eventually.
Sometimes in cases like this, the idiocy is so glaring that it seems impossible that the cheating person isn't actually trying to get caught, so really, you might be doing the boyfriend a favor as well. He might have already done his risk analysis and decided that it would be easier to get caught than it would be to go through the ugliness of trying to explain why he no longer wants to be in a relationship.
When you deliver the news, however, do it in person and with absolutely no judgment on either side. You want to leave yourself an out. If you suspect they might actually be into polyamory, maybe tell her at a coffeehouse or something. If you do it at her apartment, Tinderboy might magically emerge from the bedroom wrapped in a towel and offer to give you a neck massage to ease the tension.
