The Luv Doc: Too Many Exes

Dear Luv Doc,

I have been dating a guy for about three months. When we first started dating, he said he hadn't had many relationships. However, it seems like every time we're out in public, we run into some woman he's gone out with. I feel like he wasn't honest with me from the beginning. He says it's not a big deal and that most of the women he only dated once or twice. How many exes is too many exes?

– Ava Q.

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Well, Ava, depending on the ex, even one can be too many. Remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? That's one too many exes and one less bunny. It's good to remember, however, that not all exes are bunny-boilers. In fact, I think if you were to poll, say, a hundred or so women exes, you would be hard-pressed to find even one. Yes, there is a slim possibility that you might come up with a few classically trained chefs who know how to whip up a mean rabbit stew, but the vast majority of American women have soft hearts when it comes to bunnies. Maybe it's because they grew up watching Bugs Bunny who – if we are being completely honest here – was a little bit of a know-it-all prick. His patronizing treatment of Elmer Fudd is downright shameful.

I am just going to assume, Ava, that you do not own a bunny. If you do, keep an eye out for an ex-girlfriend who looks like Glenn Close – and not just because it could be an indication your boyfriend has a cougar fetish. Otherwise, it doesn't sound like you have any real problems other than the ones you're cooking up in your mind. I don't think the fact that your boyfriend knows and has gone out with a large number of women is an indication he has had a lot of relationships – unless you define one or two dates as a relationship. My guess is that he might not. He probably thinks you're referring to something longer-term. You know, those relationships where you're with someone just long enough (and maybe longer) to realize they're actually human. Those, I think we can both agree, are fewer and farther between.

The other possibility here is that by "relationships" you mean very simply how many women he's previously slept with. Perhaps in the interest of not being crass you have euphemized your way into poor communication. There may have been some point at which you had the opportunity to ask, "How many women have you slept with?" Maybe you didn't want to dangle your preposition, or maybe you just didn't want to pull sex out of the hat at that point in your relationship, but that time is gone and now you don't have to beat around the bush, do you? Asking someone how many people he or she has slept with is a perfectly legitimate question. If the answer is "in the hundreds" you might want to consider getting tested – OK, even in the tens. However, other than that, you should judge him – and credit him – based on his current relationship with you. Anything else is a bit crazy – and you don't want to end up like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, do you?