The Luv Doc: Bitter Truths

Dear Luv Doc,
My wife tells me I’m a wonderful, sweet, loving husband. Should I continue my present course of action or add new expressions of love to my list?
– DM in Cedar Creek

DM, I don’t want to freak you out, but it sounds like your wife is either a) having an affair or b) planning on murdering you in your sleep. OK, I will admit to being a bit jaded. It could be she had just dropped some molly when she told you that. Molly is by far the best scenario … or maybe she was really drunk and simply passed out before she could insert the pivotal “but.” Sometimes in order to be diplomatic, people will sugarcoat bitter truths with the sweet nectar of flattery.

For instance (and you might have actually heard this line yourself once or twice, I don’t know), has your wife ever said to you, “Honey, you are an exceptionally handsome man but … that mustache makes you look like a child molester” … or maybe, “Baby, I love your sense of humor but … if you make one more cute comment about the size of my feet I am going to stab you in the eye with a rusty fork”? See? Makes you feel loved, doesn’t it?

There is also the possibility that your wife is telling you the truth. After all, there are certain rare people in the world whose sincerity switch is permanently jammed into the “on” position. Tragic, really. Imagine never being able to play poker … or work in a swimsuit store … or run for public office. Imagine always being a porcupine in a balloon shop. Heartbreaking, isn’t it? Poking holes in everything seems like a noble endeavor, but you can only let so much light in before someone gets burned.

Truth is a dangerous thing, which is why people dance around it as much as they do. Ultimately, we don’t want to know. We’ve read the script of life about a bajillion times and we have seen how it ends: The Hero gets it. Every time.

So, I could give you the big thumbs up and tell you to just keep being you – you’re crushing it – but that would be a lie. Your wife said you are a sweet, loving husband, but you and I both know she meant at that very moment, not for some unspecified eternity based on past behavior. Like everybody else, you have to go out every day and earn it. We are not judged by our thoughts but by our deeds. Believe me, I know. I have some incredibly bizarre thoughts that rarely translate into deeds – and that’s probably for the best. Deeds have actual consequences that words cannot heal, so choose wisely.