The Luv Doc: Why DNA?

Dear Luv Doc,
Why DNA?
- Zack

I hate to break this to you Zack, but I am an advice columnist, not some all-knowing oracle able to unlock the mysteries of the universe. You want my take on whether you should continue seeing someone who shows up to a first date with exposed foot fungus (that would a N.O.), I got you bro, but if you want me to explain why the cosmic spaghetti monster chose deoxyribonucleic acid to convey hereditary genetic code to all life on Earth, you are, as my Okie uncle used to say, sucking on a dry tit.

I have not yet passed into the Fifth Dimension, achieved cosmic consciousness, or had an out-of-body experience that didn’t involve a heavy dose of 'shrooms. I have not taken Organic Chemistry or Calculus, and as fascinating as I find the accessible regions of those subjects to be, I have no intention to. The parking at UT is abominable, and the closest I get to prerequisites for said courses are Algebra II and an Introduction to Astronomy. Yeah, some academic powerhouse shit.

I am what 18th century philosophers would have called “benighted” – though they probably would have spelled it with a Y and a couple of superfluous E’s because nobody had spellcheck and more importantly: No one gave a fuck. Nonetheless, they would have been spot on. There is a monumental amount of shit I don’t know, and that is even with the aid of my iPhone which, I am told, is a conduit to the assembled knowledge of the known universe – something on the order of 5 zettabytes (that’s 5 billion terabytes or 5 sextillion bytes for all you knuckle-dragging idiots) of information right at my fingertips, and you know what? It still wouldn’t tell me “Why DNA?”

Why? Because “Why DNA?” presupposes there is a why – that all this (DNA included) has a reason and a purpose, and though it completely boggles my rationalist brain to imagine that it doesn’t, I concede that possibility could exist. All I know (with a very loose certainty) is that there is an is – an is for which I am deeply grateful. Don’t get me wrong, I am am not necessarily throwing my hands up on this deal, I just know that until we meet the robot master race in charge of our reality matrix we we won’t get answers to the truly big questions. All we can do is keep poking holes in it to see if some light shines in.