After a Fashion

The Mega-nificent Miss Kitty of Mega 93.3, mistress of the airwaves (Photo By Bob Sherman)

SITES FOR SORE EYES Have you been to www.nakednews.com yet? Well, if you like your news nude, like I do, then strip down and sign on. With two separate programs -- one featuring females and the other featuring males -- you can get all the news you can handle from attractive newscasters who report on world events while peeling off their clothes. It can make an otherwise dull story so much more interesting, and the plethora of lovelies definitely has something for everyone. The site offers a small-frame preview, but if you want to subscribe, you can receive your Naked News in a full-screen version every day.

On the other hand, I can't think of anything more fulfilling than judging people based on their appearance. Evidently, I'm not alone in feeling this way -- go to the www.hotornot.com Web site, and judge to your heart's content. You begin by seeing a photo of a male or female (the choice is yours) and you rate that person on a scale of one to 10. After you've rated them (and only after you've rated them) you are allowed to go on to the next person. Sometimes the photo will include personal information as well as how to contact them. Sometimes attractive, sometimes hideous, it's always entertaining ... and deeply superficial.

Since the beginning of the 20th century, there has always been one movement or another (or some designer) trying to get men to wear skirts. It usually doesn't go over too well, but for a different twist on this approach, be sure and visit www.utilikilts.com. The rugged, heavy-duty kilts offered here are nothing less than manly, offering kilts in a variety of fabrics, from khaki to camouflage. Most notable is the fact that citizens of Texas buy more Utilikilts than any other state.

And, finally, though you may not know it, Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you are -- and she'll be the first one to tell you that. As she tells you on her Web site www.bettybowers.com, she is "so close to Jesus, He validates my parking," and "so close to Jesus, He's seen me without my make-up." Her "interviews" are a riot -- Betty "speaks" with Laura Bush (the First Lady "demonstrates how recent scientific advances have made glass eyes undetectable"), as well as that "unsaved shrew" Laura Schlessinger, Eminem, and even sits down to coffee with God himself. "After all," says Betty, "If Heaven is just going to involve running into all the same people you avoid here on Earth, what's the point?" Betty raves and rages on a multitude of hilarious issues, and even offers merchandise for sale. "Love the sinner -- hate their sin ... and their clothes" is the tag line for her Christian Couture shop features the B.A.S.H. (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals) collection of T-shirts, caps, and coffee mugs emblazoned with the slogan, "Be a man, girl!" Also featured is the "You make Jesus vomit" collection. (The Style Avatar would like to thank one of his favorite spygirls, Karla, for her constant stream of interesting info on weirdness on the Web.)

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION So many of my devoted readers write in saying that 1,000 words once a week is simply not enough for them. So now, you can get even more of your Style Avatar's fetid frothing each week by tuning into Mega 93.3's Friday Fashion Report at 6:25pm, when the Mega-nificent Miss Kitty graciously shares the airwaves with me for a few minutes of style-related banter. Bringing the runway to the roadside during "drive-time" by covering such undeniably relevant subjects as bell-bottoms and hair-extensions, the Kitty-licious Miss Kitty and I are unafraid to tackle any fashion-and-beauty subject that passes through our over-processed little heads. If you have any pressing matters that need attention, feel free to submit suggestions to us, and we'll try and work it into our agenda. The fabulous Miss Kitty can also be seen live at the Venue on Thursday nights and at Element on Friday nights ... and just about any other place that's hopping and happening.

THE PEARLS OF PAULINE In 1992, she was the first living American designer to achieve the milestone of having been in business for 50 years. And now, 10 years later, Pauline Trigere is dead. Though her place at the top of the fashion hierarchy had slipped in the past couple of decades, her contributions will never be forgotten. Born of a Russian-Jewish family in Paris, she escaped the terrors of the Nazis by moving to New York. In 1942, she unveiled her first collection of 11 dresses, designed in collaboration with her brother. She was an intellectual designer, and like Lanvin and Chanel, Trigere did not sketch her dresses, but worked directly from the fabric. She was noted for her impeccably tailored, always feminine looks, as well as for dresses that appeared to have no seams. In 1961, she took the risky step of being the first designer to use an African-American model on the runway. She also introduced the jump suit into the fashion lexicon of the modern woman. "Fashion is what people tell you to wear," said Trigere. "Style is what comes from your own inner thing." Though she never revealed her age, she was 93 when she died. One of her most famous maxims was, "When you feel blue, think red." Shortly after she celebrated her 90th birthday, she told friends that she wanted to be cremated wearing her signature vibrant red lipstick. "What does it matter?" a friend said. "Who will know whether or not you have lipstick on?" Said the perpetually opinionated Pauline, "I'll know."