Coach's Corner

The tail does, indeed, wag the dog. This is now apparent, as I sit with my wife high over the north Atlantic Ocean, thousands of dollars lighter and not a bit more cultured after a "long weekend" trip to Milan. This all began with the arrival of an innocent newsletter from the American Airlines Advantage department. Millions of people received this little piece of bulk mail. The fall newsletter offered a large chunk of "bonus miles" if they could convince me, the traveler, to fly to Europe this winter.

I've been to Europe twice before. Not now wishing to play the plebian American boor ... but all things being more or less equal, I'd rather go to California, play golf, speak English, and order things off a menu where I don't have to make wild guesses about what I've just ordered. What can I say? I'm an American.

No need to delve too deeply into the minutiae of the frequent flyer program except to say, though I fly a fair amount, this year I wasn't going to reach that very special number whereby the passenger is treated like a slightly more tolerable, good cow as opposed to your average white-trash bad cow. As you age it will become apparent that it really is the little things that count. By making an unwanted trip to Europe, I'd acquire the necessary miles and thus maintain my good-cow status.

My wife, understanding clearly the value of bonus miles, thinks this is an outstanding idea. She's happy to send me off to Moscow or Stockholm, whichever is farther away. This, in fact, was precisely her plan. I'd fly to Russia, sit in the airport for a few hours, and come back on the turnaround. And doesn't that sound like a fun way to spend $1,200! That's what I thought, too. The idea was dropped.

Then I stumble onto a cheap Internet fare to Europe. I'm thinking Milan, not Moscow. Time to shop for a fine Italian suit at one-third its U.S. price. Kelly's good with this. Then she talks to my mother and the plan begins to change. Maybe she could take a few days off work. Come to think of it, sure she can! My inexpensive (but productive) weekend in Italy just became a most inefficient shopping vacation. The rock's careening down the hill and it won't be stopped.

All the shopping goals are not only met, but exceeded. The suitcase, intentionally packed light in anticipation of a heavier load on the homeward leg, now has four pairs of Italian shoes and boots (Kelly's) stuffed into every packing crevice. Dwelling on the January Diners Club bill gives me a cramp -- a bad one.

They say you get wiser as time goes on, but I don't know. I could have bought all the "free upgrades" I've just earned and spent half what this good idea cost me. The trip to Russia wasn't such a bad idea. No, I think you just get older.

Last night I was watching the only English-language channel on the tiny television in our tiny room when I stumbled onto CNN's international sports edition. The show leads with a report on the second day of the Davis Cup Final between Spain and Australia. This story is allotted the time a Super Bowl would receive here. I doubt it's even mentioned on the U.S. version. I'd been thinking critical thoughts about John McEnroe's abrupt resignation as captain of the American team. He lobbied hard for this job, played at it for a year; things were tougher than he thought they'd be, so he quit. He let people down, and was guilty of all the things he rails at in other people. I didn't like it. Tonight's piece changed my mind. Not even McEnroe's going to be able to cajole, berate, or convince the American public that Davis Cup is an important thing. It won't be the lead story on any national sports show in this country. Not now. Not ever. The huge stadium in Barcelona was filled not with wealthy tennis dilettantes -- the norm for a U.S. event -- but with Spanish sports fans for whom this is the biggest sports event in a decade.

It's a hopeless cause. So he got out. I can see that. While we're at it, let's lay off griping about the top American pros for their ambivalence about playing this thing. It's hypocritical for the media and sports patriots -- who don't care themselves -- to rip Sampras for his lack of patriotism when the support given back by fans (no one watches the Davis Cup) or the media (45 seconds at the end of the show ... maybe) is weaker than Monica Seles' second serve.

Parting shots: To the many Redskins fans in Austin: I'd kill to have Daniel Snyder own one of the many loser teams I cry for. He's a young owner who not only wants to win (easy to say), but will do whatever it takes to get it done. He'll make mistakes. How much he's responsible for the disaster of this year we don't really know, but in the end, he's going to get it right. Even in your disappointment, you can take solace that someone's in charge who personally cares. That's far more than I can say about the Tribune Co. (Cubs), the McCaskey family (Bears), or Jerry Reinsdorf (Bulls).