Profiling the Locals

Fri., Aug. 14, 1998

How, I asked myself, to convey the brilliance and wackiness of the spoken word artists who spent eight months of the '97-'98 season kicking ass long enough, hard enough and far enough to win the four coveted slots on Austin's National Slam Team? I decided to take the Jeopardy route and toss out a series of answers to each poet, demanding they come up with matching questions. It proved to be an interesting experiment, to say the least. And while these question-answers hint at what our team is capable of, keep in mind there is no way to completely capture in print their vast talents, which must be experienced live for total impact. - Spike Gillespie

GENEVIEVE VAN CLEVE

Answer: Topless bars.

Question: What is a career choice where you're encouraged to wear synthetic fiber on the inside and out? Who are women fooled by the idea that economic power equates to personal power? Where do the "girls" work where the following statements are commonly heard: "I could stop any time," "It's just for the money, not the drugs," and, "I don't know how it happened."? What is another reason why equal pay for equal work, on-site child care, and affordable health care should be priorities in the clothed workplace? Too much, Alex?

Answer: Austin.

Question: Why the hell am I leaving (in 27 days) the place where my family, friends, and best work all reside?

(Follow-Up Answer: Velvet rut, it's 105 degrees outside, and a cutie-patootie boyfriend in England.)

Answer: Day Job.

Question: What is my temporary job at the nameless, faceless company I go to everyday for personal satisfaction, identity, and fun? I just do poetry to pay the fucking bills.

Answer: Susan B. Anthony Somers-Willet.

Question: Who can turn the world on with a smile? Who's one of the best friends a high-maintenance, ill-tempered, giggle-box like me could ever hope for?

ERNIE CLINE

Answer: A really good urban myth.

Question: What do you call it when you slip your date some Spanish Fly, leave her waiting in the car while you run into the drugstore to get some prophylactics, return to find her making passionate love to the stickshift, so you rush her to the emergency room where you bump into Richard Gere, who has just had an extremely painful outpatient procedure involving a gerbil performed, and he mentions offhandedly to you that Mikey from the old Life cereal commercials died from eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke at the same time.

Answer: The best meal I ever ate.

Question: What do you call three cans of Easy Cheese and five boxes of Ritz crackers on a Greyhound bus ride from Cleveland to Seattle?

Answer: Coryna McGlynn.

Question: Whose mother wanted to ensure that she would spend the rest of her life correcting the misspelling of her name? (It's Karyna McGlynn.)

Answer: The weather.

Question: What do you talk about on a first date when you realize she likes Michael Bolton and Pauly Shore movies?

KARYNA McGLYNN

Answer: Ernie Cline

Question: "Whose pussy is this, bitch?"

Answer: Victoria's Secret.

Question: What does Karyna McGlynn know that the other girls on the slam team don't?

Answer: The Macarena.

Question: Why won't Joe's Crab Shack survive to see the turn of the century?

SUSAN B. ANTHONY SOMERS-WILLET

Answer: Austin.

Question: What city is home to Tamale House #3?

Answer: Genevieve Van Cleve.

Question: Who is the worst feminist in the world?

Answer: Christmas.

Question: On what day is one most likely to punt a plastic baby Jesus from her neighbor's lawn?

Answer: The scariest/weirdest thing I've ever done.

Question: What is the National Poetry Slam?