Mr. Smarty Pants

Drinking under the influence of no sleep, Schulz on skates, and busty suicidal women

Montezuma Red by Elizabeth Arden: the lipstick that says sexy and deadly, perfect for your Marine daughter

The real-world Lasso of Truth, Kerouac's childhood fantasy, and more

Spatial-temporal reasoning, Hitler's favorite movies, and more

7-Eleven for the homeless and underpants for the illiterate

Ink cartridges give people the psych-out

Flipping off Ed Sullivan and flagging down Morse

The arguments against ties and flip-flops

The argument against ties and flip-flops

Benito's birthright and the nitty-gritty on sandpaper

Basinger's fowl collection and breadcrumbs for boo-boos

Scaredy-cat Sylvester Stallone and state security smell samples

Einstein's slippers, and playing six degrees of alcoholism

Flossing for life and marrying in absentia

Camels have come a long way, baby

Mike the Headless Chicken Days, and more bloody tidbits

An old-school potato clock and a famous appendix on ice

Sexy table legs and not-so Puritans

Law and order for adults, and the truth about Einstein's head

Lenin'd last words, the derivation of skiddoo, and Wikipedia gets more cred than the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Forrest Gump's soft-porn origins, and Oprah knows molting

Houston screws down the Texas Two Step

Knows is The first bank robbery and that shifty Sasquatch

How to keep your moons sparkling

A Norwegian doomsday vault and Poe's pussy muse.

Cookin' good with Ho Chi Minh and rappin' with the birds

The greatest tragedy of all ... good thing Jesus is on his way

O, verily, thou needest not a dictionary