And the Loser Is ...

The Chronicle's first-ever least-eligible-bachelor search drew its fair share of laughs, jokes, and ridicule, just as we hoped it would, but we couldn't be happier with the cross section of losers attracted. We'd like to thank all the candidates who nominated themselves, as well as those who nominated others – you guys were truly the antithesis to this season's Bachelor, local twin-swapping, frosted-tip man-candy Brad Womack.

It was a cringe-worthy race, but in the end, one man stood out: Thirty-three-year-old call-center manager Chris McMinn lives with his retired parents, has a broken-down Lumina, and hasn't been "touched in a romantic fashion" by a woman in six years. His unnatural love for Natty (Natural Light beer, a favorite of the broke) made him a textbook case.

Thanks to Chronicle cutup Alan Metoskie for readily posing shirtless (and, more memorably, pantsless) for our ads and video. Also, congrats to our runners-up: 37-year-old Wheatsville clerk/World War II encyclopedia Doug Boone and 23-year-old KLBJ intern Robert Baen. Here's a quick Q&A session with our Bacheloser. Thanks for the memories.

---

Austin Chronicle: First of all – Natty?

Chris McMinn: Ahhh, another nonbeliever! Natty is awesome in many ways. It's cheap, goes for anywhere between $5 to $7 a 12-pack, and is mostly water, so you rarely suffer a hangover. This also makes it a great choice for drinking in the Texas heat. It's refreshing like a cool spring on a summer's day.

AC: What's a typical day like for you?

CM: I usually wake up around 1pm and take my dog out. After that I enjoy some cereal, then take a shower. Yes, I use Axe shower gel in hopes of attracting female attention. Pops drops me off at my job around 2:30. My job consists of low-level IT work and managing telemarketers. Doesn't pay much, but I like it. I also get to surf HornFans.com all day. The site isn't just about football; it's a very diverse online community representing many interests. Dad picks me up around 9pm and takes me home, where my mutt greets me with much enthusiasm. Me and the dog hop in the Green Hornet, my broke-down Lumina, and head to the store for sweet Natty. I retreat to my room, where I drink, surf the Net, play video games [Guitar Hero, Black, Killzone], and catch Jerry Springer at 3am.

AC: Do you have an ideal woman?

CM: One who thinks I am the shiznit and has an appreciation of the finer things, such as myself. It would also be good if she had a car for us to do stuff. As far as looks go, I have pretty low standards. As long as she doesn't weigh more than I do, I'm game.

AC: You're a big gamer – do you have a Second Life?

CM: Never have played that. I am more of a console gamer: PS2, Xbox 360. I can't afford the new PS3. I like platform games like God of War 2 and first-person shooters like Killzone. The GTA [Grand Theft Auto] series is probably my favorite.

AC: Now that you've been crowned Austin's least-eligible bachelor, what's next for Chris McMinn?

CM: Wow. Good question. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Maybe I'll meet a woman out of this or a car dealership will sponsor me. Maybe I will star in a Natty commercial. I have acting experience. Who knows, maybe even a reality show starring Austin's very own Bacheloser?

AC: More importantly, will you upgrade from Natty now?

CM: Don't you blaspheme.